After a week, it’s normal for the victim to have got over the initial shock, and now what’s happened is really starting to hit home. This is the point at which the reactions to what’s happened start to appear. A lot of people feel physical pain – headaches, stomach pains, pains in the chest and muscles. This is the point at which the fear of everyone and everything is at its strongest. Fear of meeting the perpetrator again, fear of the place where it happened, fear of it happening again. They get a feeling that things aren’t real, they feel overwhelmed, they feel incredibly helpless. Why has this happened to me? What have I done to deserve this?

Anxiety, fear, bleakness and depression are completely normal feelings. Flashbacks from the rape can occur both when they’re alone and when they’re with others, and these can be very persistent and unpleasant. They feel like they’re being bombarded with memories from the rape – a sound, a smell, maybe even a person who reminds them of the perpetrator. Many victims are short tempered and irritable with families, friends, school, work, etc. Some feel an intense need to be together with their family and friends, while others very keenly feel that they need to be alone. They simply can’t be alone, while at the same time just wanting to be alone...

This can be difficult for family to understand. Try to get them to talk about it, to put into words what they’re most afraid of. Is their anxiety realistic? Help them to put the whole thing into perspective. They won’t be able to think of anything but the rape, and they’ll be thinking about all the details – over and over. This is a necessary process to help them come to terms with what’s happened. It’s a way for them to attempt to find some sort of clarity and order in all the confusion they’re feeling. Encourage them to write down their thoughts and feelings. It helps to have to place logical sentences into chronological order, not to just allow chaotic thoughts to invade the mind.

The majority of victims blame themselves after a rape. I shouldn’t have .... If only I’d .... Why didn’t I shout for help? It’s all my fault! A lot of the work done within the DIXI groups aims to deal with the feelings of guilt and shame. NOBODY has the right to rape you. Not even if you’re drunk, if you go home with a stranger, if you’re out hitchhiking, jogging or whatever it was you were up to at the time.

As a parent, it’s important for you to be there for your child and give them support on this.